Illness, Jesus, healing
Jesus - More than a Healing
I wrote Katherine a letter recently telling of my anger and frustration at God for not healing me.
She published this in the article faith and healing
For those who don't know, God is not offended by such angry thoughts aimed at Him. He understands completely.
I told K about a spiritual experience I had on May 18th of last year-- an encounter with God, a personal visit. How do I know it was Him, God, the "Big Guy"?
I know it for several reasons. This may be the easiest to grasp...
In the few moments He was visiting me, I experienced sensing the fullness of His presence. Imagine drinking 8 ounces of orange juice. Then imagine what a teaspoon in 8 ounces of water would taste like, knowing what straight juice was like it would be noticeably less .
That is what that experience was like. Straight OJ. Yes, K, God is always present, but not nearly in His fullness. We , being fragile in our humanness, cannot bear that. He is present, but not at full concentration. I know what i experienced was off my scale.
I was only able to handle it for a half a minute, maybe less before I started weeping , it was so overwhelming...did you ever cry at something extremely beautiful, joyful or touching? A wedding, an especially welcome gift, a song? He withdrew as I began sobbing uncontrollably .
Anyway, I have been angry and frustrated at something in that visit. As God began withdrawing to His normal level of presence (as described above) I threw a couple of questions to Him ; one was " ...heal me?". His response was "not at this moment".
That response has confounded me, angered me, frustrated me. My question to God repeatedly since then has been "why not ? Why not? Why ?". Yes, He understands impatience. I have been feeling like a child demanding something from a parent, stamping my foot as I asked. (people who know me know I can be persistent )
Do you know the feeling of someone beaming at you? God beams at His children even at their worst. Yes K, i agree with you, He loves us and He sees us as beautiful.
Well, I finally was able to receive an answer. You see it is us who are limited in communicating with God. We can only receive, understand, what we are able--prepared to receive.
This is the answer I "got"...He didn't heal me "at that moment" because He wanted me to ask Him for more, so He could give me more
... something greater than healing. For a housebound, severely disabled person suffering excruciating pain --what could be better than being healed? What could make me happier? Duh.
Very simply put, the fullness of His Son. The person on whom the history of the world has turned.. Why our calendars are AD and BC. The person who changed everything, completed everything. God come to earth. Emmanuel.
Indeed, greater than being healed ...is receiving Christ Jesus into me in His Fullness. This we can do. We were designed to be able to do this. Unlike not being able to receive God in His fullness, we can receive His Son. And healing is but part of this package.
So yes, I finally understand that God wanted me to ask for more so He could give me something even better than being healed physically.
Perhaps those reading this already know this stuff. For me, focused on my Illness and healing, this evaded me till now.
There is finally a concept, a word that describes what God intended with regard to Jesus, His Son: Avatar. He meant Christ to be our Avatar.
This concept, distilled from scripture, has been expressed in this way...
Quoting a line from the Catholic mass that occurs at the most beautiful, uplifting, spiritual moment of it, when the host , the body of Christ, is raised...the celebrant says:
"through Him, in Him and with Him,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
all glory and honor is Yours,
forever and ever."
And all the people say "AMEN