Shocking resistance; hateful thoughts about God and the Holy Spirit
by PAUL GRAY
THE COURSE, HOWEVER, HAS AT LEAST PROVIDED A MODICUM OF RELIEF - THERE IS SLIGHTLY MORE A SENSE OF PEACE, SLIGHTLY MORE OF A RELEASE FROM FEAR - EVEN IF THESE CHANGES ARE MORE OR LESS IMPERCEPTIBLE. THEY ARE AT LEAST SOMETHING - AND THEY DO SEEM TO HAVE STAYING POWER. THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT THE COURSE IS THE 'PATH' FOR ME, THOUGH I CAN SEE IT AIN'T GOING TO BE EASY - TO SAY THE LEAST. AT TIMES I FEEL SO FRUSTRATED AT THE HOLY SPIRITS'S UNBREAKABLE SILENCE THAT I GENUINELY FEEL LIKE PACKING IT IN AND SCREAMING TERRIBLE ABUSE HIS WAY. I SIMPLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO GAIN THE MAJOR BENEFITS AS PROMISED BY THE BOOK IF I SENSE NO OTHER VOICE THAN THE EGO'S. HOW CAN I MAKE ANOTHER CHOICE IF THERE APPEARS ONLY ONE OPTION? HOW CAN I CHOOSE ANOTHER ROUTE WHEN THERE APPEARS ONLY ONE ROAD??? STILL, IT'S THE BOOK FOR ME, I SAY THROUGH GRITTED TEETH. PAUL Answer from Katherine T Owen, webmaster a-spiritual-journey-oh Dear Paul, Thank you so much for your comment on your journey with A Course In Miracles. It sounds like you have tried many other things, so that is quite a testimony! I have heard many like it. A little peace is so much better than none at all, and gives us hope we are going in the right direction. That is all we need sometimes to keep going. Have you seen the article on hearing from god ? - It is a thread by students of A Course In Miracles on what it means to them to hear the voice for God. It was a reply to someone, like yourself, feeling so frustrated at not hearing God talking to her. In that moment where we say: “I am willing to see peace instead of this”, we provide a space for God to enter. We have stopped looking for the answer to our problem in our own mind. This thought alone turns down the chatter of our minds. And silence is already so much better a form of guidance than our junky thoughts. In my experience, the more we trust that our “little willingness” is enough and that the answer will be provided, the more it is provided. You ask: HOW CAN I MAKE ANOTHER CHOICE IF THERE APPEARS ONLY ONE OPTION? HOW CAN I CHOOSE ANOTHER ROUTE WHEN THERE APPEARS ONLY ONE ROAD? In a sense, we don’t choose between two voices. We realise that, no matter how many options it seems to come up with, we only hear the ego’s voice. We realise that this voice is not doing a good job of giving us peace and happiness. And so we say: “Hey, what do I know. “Dear Holy Spirit, please decide for me” (ACIM quotes) We are then willing to rest in a place of trust that we are receiving guidance and we “cannot fail”. Your resistance is not shocking and your thoughts are not hateful. They are just thoughts. “These thoughts do not mean anything. The thoughts of which I am aware do not mean anything because I am trying to think without God. What I call "my" thoughts are not my real thoughts. My real thoughts are the thoughts I think with God. I am not aware of them because I have made my thoughts to take their place. I am willing to recognize that my thoughts do not mean anything, and to let them go. I choose to have them be replaced by what they were intended to replace. My thoughts are meaningless, but all creation lies in the thoughts I think with God.” (W-51.5, A Course In Miracles quotes) Thank you again. You have my admiration for your belief that peace is possible and your persistence in being willing to receive it. We cannot fail. With the Love we are, Katherine
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