How to forgive someone who has invaded your space

This page offers practical support for how to forgive someone who has invaded your space.

Invasion of space can take many forms.

• forgiving a neighbour for their noise coming through the walls, for waking you in the morning, or stopping you sleeping at night.
• forgiving your teenager for having come back after university and taking over the house.
• forgiving your flatmate for mess or noise or chaos.
• forgiving your spouse who has divorced you and led you to need to move into a smaller home
• forgiving someone for mess in the home.
• forgiving someone for being late – you had space for other appointments in your day and they’ve taken your space.
• forgiving someone for talking too much a row.

If you have already tried talking to the person, a problem in common in all of the above may be…

• They don’t respect my boundaries. What can I do?

How can I heal from someone ignoring my boundaries

The words “forgiving someone for” in the above phrases can be substituted with “healing from” in the sentences above.

For example… Healing from someone making mess in the home.

How do I find a spiritual solution to...?

The words “forgiving someone for” in the above phrases can be substituted with “finding a spiritual solution to” in the sentences above.

You could be looking for a spiritual solution to a neighbour’s noise coming through the walls, a spiritual solution to being woken every morning, or spiritual solution to being able to get to sleep at night.

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Further resources section

These take you through to other articles. Scroll down to stay on this one.

• Move to find the links to all the forgiveness articles on this website.
• Read my general advice on how to forgive someone.
• Find out more about this powerful forgiveness practice by downloading your copy of my free ebook, Releasing Judgment.

The micro represents the macro

In this article I share my forgiveness process called releasing judgment, applied to how to forgive someone who has invaded your space.

There’s the invitation to play with the idea that the micro –  the details of your own life, reflect the macro–  the world at large.

The book A Course In Miracles teaches that what we see in the world outside us is effectively a print-out of what is on the inside.

The micro – the details of our own life– are played out on the world stage.

Through your forgiveness you’re not only finding peace for yourself but also contributing to potential change in the larger world. For example, you may contribute to forgiveness of a country for invading another country, and therefore make a resolution more likely to come about. Of course you won’t know for sure! But if a resolution on the world stage corresponds with a personal resolution, celebrate anyway. 

ACIM says, “All minds are joined, so when you are healed, you are not healed alone.”

What you see on the outside is a projection of what’s on the inside

The thoughts/events we see taking place outside ourselves are also a picture of the dynamics being played out inside ourselves.

The world we see gives us information about our internal world that we cannot otherwise see.

This page shares the idea that there is a seeming part of you invading your space.

The approach to how to forgive someone who has invaded your space, through releasing judgment is to set out to forgive yourself. It is this self forgiveness that brings a shift for you.

No matter how bad it is for you to have someone invade your space with noise, or mess, or chaos–  and goodness knows it can be bad– it is a change in your inner world that brings the greatest and most permanent change.

The hope for you by the way is that your world will also change and the invasion you experience will stop. Releasing judgment can result in physical changes in the world.

The inner critic’ or Child Parent Program

It’s popular to call the part that invades your space as ‘the inner critic’. I call it the Child Parent Program, but I will use that term inner critic.

In my experience the inner critic doesn't criticise. It sends out random repetitive phrases such as, ‘You’re not enough,’ ‘You should be different,’ ‘You’re wrong’.

None of those are criticisms. They don’t tell you what you're doing wrong or what you could do right. But they convey you are wrong.

The inner critic invades your space–  your headspace.

I am not suggesting you hear the inner critic audibly, but that a conflict within you leads to conflicting thoughts. You can be invaded with thoughts you don’t want. This may lead you to further invade your own space by seeking another source of noise such as radio or music.

My experience of how to forgive someone who invades my space

I live with the illness ME /CFS. For me this chronic illness includes symptoms of noise sensitivity and chemical sensitivity. Both of these mean someone can invade my space with noise or chemicals in a way which would not affect a healthy person.

Likewise, I have a need to pace activity and take rests. This means my space can be invaded by someone interrupting me when I am taking a rest, after having asked for time alone.

Likewise –and a big one in my history – someone talking too much in a row can lead my head to be less able to function once they’ve gone. Someone can come in and talk at me or talk in a row, and my space has been invaded until my head recovers.

Exploring how to forgive someone who invades my space has been a big part of my journey. Had I been healthier, I would just have adapted.

Forgiveness of what is happening now

Often when people talk about forgiveness, they are talking about forgiving something that happened in the past.

Releasing judgment can be applied as a spiritual problem solving approach to someone currently invading your space.
Releasing judgment invites in God.
Releasing judgment frees you up to receive insights and shifts, both internally and externally.

Releasing judgment – my practice of forgiveness

In 1993 I developed the forgiveness practice of Releasing Judgment.

Below, I invite you to release judgment (It's OK to _____) as a way of forgiving someone for invading your space.
(When you sign up to this spiritual website, you are sent a link and can choose to download a free ebook on the forgiveness practice of releasing judgment.)

Quick clarification for those of you who haven't read your free copy of 'Releasing Judgment'.

Please know that 'It's OK to _____' is not a moral statement.
It is an invitation to hold a space of non-judgment in order to receive insight into how a behaviour shows up in your own life.

The insight will often provide guidance on whether to keep the behaviour, apply it in a different area of your life, or drop it.

Releasing judgment is compatible with forgiveness as presented in both the Bible and the spiritual book, A Course In Miracles.

When you feel the pain of someone invading your space, what is your spiritual practice?
If you don’t have one, try releasing judgment as a method of how to forgive.

Read this article.
Select one to three releasing statements.
Write them out.
Practice them each time your pain is such that you feel the need for forgiving someone for invading your space.
Good luck.

Releasing judgment on your feelings about someone's invasion of your space

Be human: allow feelings and judgment
It's OK to respond to treatment which harms you by honouring any feeling you feel.
It's OK to honour, in private, any anger you feel.
It's OK to either use or set aside any anger in order to act in the way which is best for your well-being.

It's OK to honour, in private, any powerlessness you feel.
It's OK to either use or set aside any powerlessness in order to act in the way which is best for your well-being.

Releasing judgment on someone invading your space

Looking into the mirror of the world
It's OK to have the experience of someone invading your space.

As a way to stop the other invading your space, it's OK to set out to find a way in which you are invading your space.

It's OK to set out to call into your space one whose presence is not an invasion but a sharing, and a delight.

It's OK to choose to value the one who shares and brings delight over the one who invades.

With a new identity that comes from the one who brings delight, it's OK to have moments of knowing the invasion is nothing, even in the very moment when it feels like something!

With your new identity that comes from the one who brings delight, it's OK to speak to the one who invades, own them, forgive them, integrate them, and feel more at peace.

It's OK to uninstall a bit of programming that once served to normalise your world, and move forward into a new world unlike your past.

Releasing judgment on releasing judgment! – a spiritual approach to how to forgive someone who has invaded your space

It's OK to be willing to see a way in which you are the same as the other.

It's OK to experience someone’s bad behaviour as giving you an opportunity to love yourself regardless of a bad behaviour of your own, current or potential.
It's OK to see a way in which the inner critic invades your space, and to receive love for yourself just as you are.

It's OK to accept that of yourself you are powerless to eject the inner critic.

A commitment to knowing your Oneness

It's OK that at times when you feel alienated, you engage in a spiritual practice which affirms your oneness.

It's OK to see the one who invades your space as a part of God.
It's OK to have moments when you experience ‘the other’ as a part of you to the point where they are no longer 'the other'.

The spiritual practice of sending love and blessing

It's OK to respond to treatment which harms you by actively sending love to 'the other' in your mind.

A belief in peace

It's OK to believe that peace is possible.
It's OK to take time to rest in Peace.

A commitment to receive Love

It's OK that even when having your space invaded leads you into turmoil and the turmoil feels like separation from God, you still believe you are connected.
It's OK that at a time when you are badly treated, you choose to believe you are worthy of Love itself.

It's OK that when you feel the need for your world to tell you you are right and enough, you engage in a spiritual practice that reminds you that because you are part of Love 'you are right' and 'you are enough'.

It's OK to believe that Love is the solution.
It's OK to take time to rest in Love.

It's OK to include in your mind a Self who accompanies you, and to experience being with this Self as loving place to be.
It's OK to think the world would be a better place if everybody learned to receive God's love.
It's OK to take the lead and practise receiving God's love.

Claiming your home

It's OK to feel free to be who you are.
Who you are is part of Love itself and this cannot be changed.
It's OK to feel at home in God.

Spiritual solution

It's OK to believe that including God in your problem solving is the only way to find a solution which is best for all.
Even when it goes against your experience and judgment of how things are, it's OK to follow the belief that God is the solution.

Adherence to a spiritual text

It's OK to believe the words in your holy book speak of a reality which is more real than your physical world.
It's OK to believe in your right to practice Love even when people tell you you're naive or wrong to do so.

Final thoughts

As you explore how to forgive someone who has invaded your space, may you find moments of reclaiming the space of your life as God's space.

May judgement soften and a deeper peace becomes possible.

May you return, steadily and softly, to a sense of spaciousness within.

You are performing a spiritual service that brings more peace to the world.

Thank you. 

Thank you for reading this article.
And thank you for being here.

With the Love we are,

Katherine

Katherine T Owen, webmaster at
www.a-spiritual-journey-of-healing.com
Author of Be Loved, Beloved (£1 or $1 approx on Kindle)
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