My Incredible Awakening
Did you ever feel something is wrong with the world? I did! I knew it felt wrong. In fact, I resented being born from as early as I can remember. It wasn't that I wanted to die, just that I knew deep inside myself that it felt wrong to be here.
A Recurring Dream
I had a recurring dream. I was running, in a panic, being pursued relentlessly by a huge sphere of… something. No matter how much I protested and ran I couldn’t get away from it and eventually I was caught, absorbed by the sphere, then nothing…blackness. What really stood out to me were the words I was using as I ran: “I don’t want to go, please don’t make me go, I don’t want to go back, please no!”Everything Felt Wrong
I used to wonder why the world was being run by humans. It felt like I was watching children trying to run it, as if they had lost their parental guidance and were left to sort out the mess for themselves! It all felt so completely wrong and chaotic to me. Everything was wrong; Countries, Wars, Religions, Relationships. It all seemed so out of control. Society just did not add up to me.
However, like every other robotic human forced to survive here, I eventually rolled over and played the game with the rest in order to fit in with civilisation. I didn't expect what was to come...Spiritual Experiences
I have had several experiences during my life which have been inexplicable. In 1990 I was working very hard, our baby son was extremely ill, and I was exhausted. One night I went up to bed. I just flopped face down onto the mattress with my feet hanging off the end of the bed. 30 seconds later I felt an almighty smack on the bottom of both feet! It was as if they had been whacked with a flat boat paddle. Instantly I felt floods of enormously powerful energy rolling up through my body, then bursting out of the top of my head! I was paralysed from it. My eyes were open but I couldn't move.
It felt incredible! The intensity was almost indescribable! The ripples carried on for around 30 seconds, then abruptly stopped. I breathed a sigh of relief then fell asleep. I didn't expect this to happen once, but around a month later it happened again!
There was the smack on the feet, the ripples of power rushing through my body and bursting out of the top of my head, but this time it felt like only 10% of the power of the first one. I looked at it like a top up! I have not experienced it again since, ever.
There have been many experiences, but this was the one that really intrigued me. The enormous, indescribable power of the energy force had me puzzled for 18 years. I wanted answers and asked everybody who would listen what it could have been, but never got a satisfactory answer.Quantum Physics and Spirituality
Then, in December of 2008, I was in a second hand book shop. I was browsing the books, when one caught my eye. It was called 'Quantum Physics Cannot Hurt You' by Marcus Chow. I had moved around a lot as a child due to family situations, so changed schools many times. This meant that I totally missed Physics, including Quantum Physics.
I had gone through some very intense career training in 2004 and then again in 2006, and surprised myself by finding a level of determination and an ability to learn which I never knew I had, so I thought 'If I can do that, then I can learn all about Quantum Physics', and I bought the book.
I was learning about Quantum particles, the smallest particles in existence, which were the construction material for absolutely everything in our universe, from the planets themselves to the air we breathe. They are simply a hollow sphere with a central core, which is almost entirely nothing, completely empty, which is constantly being orbited in opposite trajectories by 2 tiny fast moving particles which are all housed inside an outer sphere. The distance from inside the outer shell to the core is comparatively huge. Combine this with the fact that the particles are themselves practically empty, and you've got energy building blocks which are over 99%..... Nothing at all! Scientists have calculated that if you removed all the space from every living creature, on every planet, in every solar system, in the entire universe, you would end up with a pile of matter the size of a pea.
Then I got to learn all about the natural flow of these sub atomic quantum energy particles. I was reading about how energy flows in a wave formation, flowing right through other seemingly solid objects and bursting out of the other side.
I was also reading another book in which the author could see the energy of all living things, including plants, and witnessed the energy rippling through forms and exploding out of them like a firework.
I was beginning to recognise my major experience being described. I realised that I had somehow experienced myself in my actual natural state, i.e. as being a collection of trillions of non solid quantum sized energy particles rolling in wave formation through their own existence. I didn't know how or why, but I wanted to find out.
So I kept on digging. I read a few more books, getting my teeth into everything I could to do with what I now knew to be called 'Metaphysics'. Many of these would mention 'A Course In Miracles'. They would refer to it as though it was a fountain of wisdom, a teacher of life. I got curious...A Course In Miracles Is Changing My Life
I found the book on Amazon, ordered and recieved it, and within the first few pages I was totally astounded to read what I was holding! It was profound beyond words. I didn't stop giggling for a week!
It beautifully made sense of everything and was in perfect synchronicity with everything I had learned and experienced. I had the privillege of not researching the book first, so knew nothing about it. To realise the identity of the author within the first few pages was probably the greatest gift I will ever recieve! I believe the book is truly the greatest gift anyone could recieve.
I have now completed the text and I am on lesson 214 of the workbook (as of 15/03/11). It is changing my life on a daily basis, bit by bit, undoing the blocks to my reality. I recommend it to everyone.
And I am truly grateful.